CODE OF CONDUCT

Acknowledgment:

Thanks to thekeec.org and our friends over at the Devil Mask Society for their Code of Conduct in which ours is based on.

STUDENT AND ATTENDEE CONDUCT

HOST AND EDUCATOR CONDUCT

INTENTION

It is our intent to create a Code of Conduct for our our teaching and social events in an effort to stem the tide of consent violations. This is intended to set expectations for both our instructors/hosts and students/attendees. A method of addressing consent violations is not yet available but planned as part of this project.

  • This policy is as of today and subject to change without notice.
  • We have an expectation of ethical and responsible behavior.
  • Our events are private. No one, including any host or instructor, has a right to attend. Permission to attend may be revoked at any time at the discretion of the event host(s) for any reason.
  • We/us/our is used in this document to specify the teaching and hosting members.
  • We understand and agree this applies to each of us individually and as members of the group.

HOST AND EDUCATOR CONDUCT

ETHICAL CONDUCT

We support ethical conduct.

  • We provide complete and accurate information about our experience and qualifications.
  • We show up on time, alert, and prepared to teach or host.
  • We understand our conduct reflects on the group that we represent and behave and conduct ourselves in a professional and responsible fashion while working.
  • We will not imply group consensus by expressing individual personal views through any group platform (events, classes, or social media accounts). Personal opinions will be reserved for time outside of our role as host or instructor or shared via our personal social media accounts.
MODELING CONSENT

We consistently practice enthusiastic consent in private as well as in public during our classes or events. Excellent consent is:

  • Verbal or written when we are teaching or playing in public. Verbal, written, or covered by a pre-existing relationship or negotiation when in private.
  • Done with an understanding of both our capacity and the capacity of the other individuals involved.
  • Fully informed, where all parties understand what is agreed to.
  • Expressed with explicit and enthusiastic agreement.
  • Consistent and continuous, where any doubt or confusion means stopping.
  • Not coerced, not forced, and free of manipulation.
  • We understand and agree that consent may be withdrawn at any time, by either party, regardless of prior negotiation.
Inclusion

We model inclusive practices around gender, race, age, orientation, body shape, physical ability, and so forth. We treat everyone in a respectful and welcoming manner.

In both our personal and kink educator lives, we do not discriminate against someone because of that person’s race, color, religion, sex (including gender identity, sexual orientation, sexuality, and pregnancy status), national origin, age, disability, or genetic information. We also do not retaliate against anyone because they have submitted a complaint about discrimination.

  • We do not do anything that creates a hostile environment for any group of people.
  • We apologize when something we do creates a hostile environment for any group of people and seek to address the impact of our behavior.
  • We use correct pronouns for each person. We ask people what pronouns they use when we are not sure.
  • We refrain from using micro aggressions during our class and help ensure attendees also do not use micro aggressions in our class.
  • Except when teaching gender-specific topics, we present material in a gender-neutral fashion rather than assuming specific gender identities.
  • Whenever possible, we teach techniques that are applicable to all genders, body types, and physical abilities and offer adjustments and adaptations as needed.
  • We support students with special learning needs and actively seek to develop educational approaches that best allow students in our classes to learn. We may not know how to accommodate a person, and understand that most individuals are best able to speak to their learning or access needs. Therefore, we will encourage feedback and requests.
Accountability

We hold ourselves accountable for our actions and enable the community to help hold us accountable:

  • We acknowledge that we are all flawed and will not always succeed at applying this code of conduct to our behaviors and actions, despite best intentions.
  • We respectfully and proactively seek feedback from the people we play with, the people we teach, our peers, community leaders, and others.
  • We acknowledge our inevitable mistakes and are receptive to others telling us when we have fallen short.
  • When we make a mistake we will do our best to apologize, make things right, learn from the experience, and make changes to ensure the same mistakes don’t happen again.
  • We engage openly and honestly when addressing any reported consent issues, including participating in an accountability process with anyone who reports that we violated their consent or injured them.
  • We voluntarily choose to follow this Code of Conduct.
  • We are willing to be held accountable. We have at least one Accountability Contact [1] and make that information available to all attendees and students.
Disclosure Regarding Hosts or Instructors

We respect other people’s right to freely discuss their experiences with us:

  • We never pressure anyone to keep quiet about their experience with us, nor do we ask our partners to refrain from discussing their experiences with us or others.
  • We do not retaliate against anyone for sharing their concerns about us with others, either directly or via third parties.
  • We do not use any kind of non-disclosure agreement or threat of legal action to prevent our partners from discussing their experiences with anyone.

We respect everyone’s right to hold private discussions about educators and hosts:

  • We do not ask anyone to share private information with us, nor will we look at or act upon information that should not have been shared with us.
  • We do not harass, challenge, or question anyone who shares information about us in a private forum.
Boundaries with Students and Attendees

We maintain ethical boundaries during classes and events:

  • Hosts, Instructors, and Teaching Assistants (TAs) are expected to adhere to the same standards.
  • If a student demo is needed we will conduct new negotiations and solicit new consent in front of a classroom audience.
    • If demonstrating negotiation techniques, that negotiation is for a hypothetical interaction and the instructors are demonstrating negotiating as peers.
  • We do not have implied consent to touch or demonstrate on any student or attendee. We obtain specific verbal consent from each person before touching them. No is an appropriate answer. No is a full and complete statement.
  • We model consent in every class, at all times. (This may lead to asking the same student for permission to touch them multiple times during the same class.)
  • We provide sufficient information to our students so that they don’t have doubts about whether they are witnessing a consent violation during any classroom demo.

We are mindful of the consent risks and the power differential associated with doing demos in a class setting. Keeping in mind some demos have more consent risks than others, we avoid putting any student in a situation where their ability to give meaningful consent is compromised. To this end in order of preference:

  • We use pre-arranged demo bottoms with whom we have negotiated.
  • We use fellow Instructors or TAs.
Using Students or Attendees for Demos

We will use a willing student or attendee and will negotiate with them before proceeding.

  • We do not pressure any student or attendee to volunteer:
    • Should student/attendee volunteers be required an announcement request will be made in advance to facilitate consent negotiations with a witness of the student’s choice.
    • Should we be unable to pre-negotiate and we use a student for a demo, a consent negotiation will occur in front of the class.
    • We will only use students who willingly offer to volunteer, and will not call on or instruct a student to volunteer.
    • Volunteers will give informed consent; they’ll be informed exactly what will be done and any safety risks involved.
  • We will not accept a student pressured by anyone else. (No one will be “volun-told”.)
  • We use volunteers who give unambiguous and enthusiastic consent.
    • Only an enthusiastic “YES!” will be understood as consent. Obvious hesitation or ambiguity will be taken as a “no”.
    • Volunteers may opt out, by withdrawing consent, at any time regardless of prior negotiations or agreements between participating parties. Engaging in Sex, Play, or Romance with Students or Attendees
  • We maintain an ethical demeanor during events. This means we do not cruise or engage in recreational play during class with any student or attendee with whom we do not have an existing relationship.
  • For the purpose of this section a Student or Attendee will be considered as such until the event, class or series of classes are completed for at least 30 days. This does not preclude students from approaching Hosts, Teachers, or TAs. However as such we agree not to engage until time has lapsed.
  • Due to the inherent authority of Student/Teacher – Host/Attendee dynamics, Teachers, TAs, and Hosts will not solicit students or attendees for play, sex, or relationships.
  • Students or attendees may approach Teachers or TAs after the teacher-student relationship is completed.
  • We clearly communicate the relationship agreements we have with our partners in a class so as to provide context for our behavior.
  • We conduct ourselves as ethically in private lessons as we do in public classes.

If we choose to engage in any kind of sex, play, or romance with a former student or attendee, we do so with great thought and care:

  • We are scrupulous about following best consent practices.
  • We have a frank discussion beforehand about our power dynamic and the risks associated with relationships between educators and students.
Mentoring

Before beginning a mentoring relationship, we explicitly negotiate boundaries around play, sex, and romance. We will never expect sex or play in exchange for mentoring. The predatory offering of ‘mentorship’ primarily as a way of gaining sexual access is not okay. If a sexual relationship develops from a mentoring dynamic, it will necessitate a renegotiation (and may warrant the dissolution) of the mentorship.

STUDENT AND ATTENDEE CONDUCT

Respect

We require respect for all people and for their property, including the venue and its staff.

  • Be respectful and mindful in your actions and words with regard to other attendees, hosts or instructors.

Kindergarten rules:

  • If it isn’t yours don’t touch it.
  • If you want to touch something that isn’t yours you must ask for AND receive permission before you do.

We are welcoming of all genders, orientations, bodies, experiences, and identities.

  • Please leave your judgments and preconceived notions of others at the door.
  • If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
  • If someone, including one of the hosts or instructors, does or says something that makes you uncomfortable, please notify a host or instructor (or the person’s Accountability Contact) as soon as possible.
  • Your protocol is yours; others are not required to conform to your protocol at these events.
No Implied Consent

We want F.R.I.E.S. with that!

Consent is Freely given, Revocable, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.

We practice and encourage our students and attendees to utilize an inclusive model of consent and negotiation. This means that anything not explicitly negotiated and enthusiastically agreed to is off-limits. This extends to play as well as any touching, discussion of attendance, and photography.

We do not expect that anyone has to tell our student or attendee not to touch them or take or post their photograph. Rather, the student or attendee must ask for and receive permission before doing those things.

Privacy

We value privacy. Who is here and what happens here stays here. You do not have permission to discuss who or what you saw outside of the class or event.

Accountability

We believe each person is responsible and should be held accountable for their own actions. We also believe that people are capable of change and growth but can only do so when they are aware of behavior that needs to change. This applies equally to students and attendees as well as instructors and hosts.

  • If a student or attendee engages in behavior that violates our policies as outlined here while at our events, we will bring it to their attention along with steps for what we believe needs to be addressed.
  • If a host or instructor is behaving in a way that violates our policies as outlined here, we expect our students and attendees to bring it to our attention as well. This can be done in person or by contacting another instructor or host or the host or instructor’s Accountability Contact.

Please read more about our Accountability policy for Hosts and Instructors.

Photography

Cell phones and cameras may be used responsibly.

  • You must receive a clear “Yes” for consent. The absence of “No” does not constitute permission.
  • To take a picture you must have the consent of each individual in the picture regardless of whether they are pictured in full or in part.
    • Consent includes where and how the image will be posted, or not, and if the consenting person wishes to be tagged or not.
  • We recommend waiting 24 hours before requesting consent to share photographs, particularly with new tying partners, to ensure that those in the image are comfortable with their decision. Consent from people in sub/rope space may not be valid.
Tying Partners

For events or classes, you are encouraged (or may be required) to attend with a tying partner. If you do not have a partner, at the host or instructor’s discretion, they may try to connect you with someone. No event host is obligated to do so. No one is obligated to tie with anyone introduced to them by a host, nor is an introduction an endorsement of that person. Each person is responsible to negotiate for themselves before tying.

There is an inherent power dynamic between instructors/hosts and students/attendees.

  • A student or attendee will never be pressured by hosts or instructors to serve as a demonstration partner for any teaching topic.
  • A student or attendee will never be solicited for play or sex by a host or instructor.

For more information, please see our policy on “Boundaries with Students”

Safety

Rope is edge play and can cause permanent injury or death.

Have your cutting tool nearby, ideally on you or visible and within arms reach.

If you see anything that you believe is unsafe, or that you do not understand, please promptly notify a host or instructor (ideally immediately in person).